“Nourishing relationships with loving, smart, creative people is what life’s all about.”—Marie Forleo

Sunday, June 2, 2024

The Buck Stops Here

 Let’s say your mother neglected you.

 “I’m going to release this feeling of being unloved once and for all, “you say.

 So, you begin to yell or scream, pound a pillow, or scratch out your complaints on paper, and then you think, “Oh, her mother neglected her when she was young. That’s why she neglected me.”

 All that is true and perceptive of you, but it doesn’t release the hurt from your body, soul, or mind.

 First, get it out, then you can be understanding of their psychological hurts. You know the story: “Put on your own Oxygen mask first, then help someone else.”

 We know that the body tries to speak to us. We store our emotions in our energy fields and tissues, where they wait for us to have the courage to express them.

 They try to tell us we need to address an issue, for anger, grief, sadness, and shame cause the body to create and hold onto stress hormones. This leads to cellular degeneration, inflammation, and physical ailments—all associated with aging.

 We know when we have some physical challenge, but often, we do not know its cause. Perhaps we’ll find out later after it is resolved. Then, we can see the connection. Until then, we must ask for the next step.

 (People often cry when getting a massage or other bodywork. That is releasing it from their tissues.)

 I’ve written about Dr. Gabor Mate before. I am repeating it here: He said that when he was an infant, his mother called the pediatrician, saying, “Little Gabor is crying all the time.” The doctor said, “All the babies are crying all the time. They are picking up the anxiety of their mothers.”

 Germany was about to invade Poland, and the mothers were understandably afraid. Not all injuries are intentional. And it was good that Mate’ knew of the trauma.

 Mate’ felt that incident contributed to his addictions. We know enough psychology to understand that people sometimes hurt us because of some deep-seated hurt they sustained—intentionally or not.

 Dr. Christian Northrup suggests whacking a chair or some sturdy object with a towel while screaming to do a releasing exercise.  If you don’t feel complete the first time, do it again. But don’t get stuck in anger. You can say, “That’s enough.” Then go outside, sit in the sun, soak in a hot bath with or without Epson salts, and when the water goes down the drain, so does your trauma. Petting your cat is helpful or have something to eat, All that tends to put a period at the end of your ranting sentence.

 One thing to remember is that forgiveness does not condone what the other person did. It is saying, “I’m not carrying it anymore.”

 Northrup recommends Iyanla Vanzant’s book 21 Days to Forgive Everyone of Everything. Smiley Books, 2013

 In searching for it, I found another one that looks even better: “Get Over It.” Thought Therapy for Healing the Hard Stuff.

 Thought therapy is “Getting your mind right so you can live better.”

 “Between stimulus and response, there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and freedom”—Viktor Frankl.


“Agelessness happens in that space where we choose to step into joy and possibility rather than remain stuck in a vicious cycle of anger, fear, and grief. —Christiane Northrup.