The Buck Stops Here

 Let’s say your mother neglected you.

 “I’m going to release this feeling of being unloved once and for all, “you say.

 So, you begin to yell or scream, pound a pillow, or scratch out your complaints on paper, and then you think, “Oh, her mother neglected her when she was young. That’s why she neglected me.”

 All that is true and perceptive of you, but it doesn’t release the hurt from your body, soul, or mind.

 First, get it out, then you can be understanding of their psychological hurts. You know the story: “Put on your own Oxygen mask first, then help someone else.”

 We know that the body tries to speak to us. We store our emotions in our energy fields and tissues, where they wait for us to have the courage to express them.

 They try to tell us we need to address an issue, for anger, grief, sadness, and shame cause the body to create and hold onto stress hormones. This leads to cellular degeneration, inflammation, and physical ailments—all associated with aging.

 We know when we have some physical challenge, but often, we do not know its cause. Perhaps we’ll find out later after it is resolved. Then, we can see the connection. Until then, we must ask for the next step.

 (People often cry when getting a massage or other bodywork. That is releasing it from their tissues.)

 I’ve written about Dr. Gabor Mate before. I am repeating it here: He said that when he was an infant, his mother called the pediatrician, saying, “Little Gabor is crying all the time.” The doctor said, “All the babies are crying all the time. They are picking up the anxiety of their mothers.”

 Germany was about to invade Poland, and the mothers were understandably afraid. Not all injuries are intentional. And it was good that Mate’ knew of the trauma.

 Mate’ felt that incident contributed to his addictions. We know enough psychology to understand that people sometimes hurt us because of some deep-seated hurt they sustained—intentionally or not.

 Dr. Christian Northrup suggests whacking a chair or some sturdy object with a towel while screaming to do a releasing exercise.  If you don’t feel complete the first time, do it again. But don’t get stuck in anger. You can say, “That’s enough.” Then go outside, sit in the sun, soak in a hot bath with or without Epson salts, and when the water goes down the drain, so does your trauma. Petting your cat is helpful or have something to eat, All that tends to put a period at the end of your ranting sentence.

 One thing to remember is that forgiveness does not condone what the other person did. It is saying, “I’m not carrying it anymore.”

 Northrup recommends Iyanla Vanzant’s book 21 Days to Forgive Everyone of Everything. Smiley Books, 2013

 In searching for it, I found another one that looks even better: “Get Over It.” Thought Therapy for Healing the Hard Stuff.

 Thought therapy is “Getting your mind right so you can live better.”

 “Between stimulus and response, there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and freedom”—Viktor Frankl.

 

“Agelessness happens in that space where we choose to step into joy and possibility rather than remain stuck in a vicious cycle of anger, fear, and grief. —Christiane Northrup.

 

 

 

Subjects I'm Passionate About

Love

 

How is it that two separate herds of wild elephants knew that the heart of a great man who had loved them suddenly stopped?

Lawrence Anthony was known as “The Elephant Whisperer.” He was a conservationist who saved countless elephants, many of which were rogues who had left their herd and were destined to be killed by humans.

After Anthony’s death, two separate elephant herds made their way through Zululand land on a 12-hour journey. They arrived at Anthony’s compound one day apart to mourn and pay their respects to the man who had loved them. They stayed for two days, then slowly returned to the bush.

The elephants were connected to each other, their whisperer, and the earth.

Are we devoid of such a connection?

Perhaps we have been drummed out of it. Or could it be that the cells within our bodies are as intelligent as those of the elephants? Perhaps we can reconnect to the wildness within ourselves and with each other. When we learn not to dominate nature but to live in harmony with it, we will reclaim what is rightfully ours.

Are we giving up so many freedoms that we are also giving up our power to be as wise as the animals?

Here at Goddesses 50 and beyond, we figure that age 50 is a good starting point. By 50, many women are getting their acts together. As women enter peri-menopause, a transaction that can last 6-12 years, many women realize that they are not willing to put their dreams on hold. And then there is the menopausal zest for life that few talk about.

Northrup tells the story of a woman on a snorkeling trip to a tropical island where she was practically “drunk with joy.” Next to her were a couple of 20-year-olds complaining about the sound of the motor and that the wind would make it hard to get into the water.  They were sailing over turquoise waters, about to commune with the fishes and worrying about the sound of the motor.

According to Christine Northrup, to live agelessly is “engaging in life without fear that you are going to fall apart.”

At around 50, our bodies begin to send us signals. Your heart talks to you; other structures send out signals; listen to them. It is time to take care of yourself and stop putting other people’s needs ahead of yours. It is a time of change, even if we don’t know it.

Even if you are not one of the wealthiest ones who can take cruises and buy expensive handbags to cheer yourself up, you can still live with excitement and joy.

When I began following the blog “The Daily Coyote,” I found that the author had set out from NY on a Vespa (a small motorcycle) and aimed across the country. She intended to go to San Francisco, but when passing through Wyoming, she fell in with it. After her trip to San Francisco, she returned to Wyoming, where she got a job sub-teaching and working on a farm. She found a cowboy hunk who brought her an orphaned coyote pup that she raised safely for 14 years. 

She is an excellent photographer, and after getting the coyote pup named Charlie, she began photographing him daily and sending the pictures to her family. She started a blog, “The Daily Coyote.” Someone mentioned her blog on another well-known blog, and it took off. She wrote a book by the same name, which is how I found her. She still writes her blog and still lives with her hunk--and about 60 miles from a grocery store. She raises organic beef cattle. The meat sells out faster than she can produce due to her notoriety. She sells calendars with pictures of Charlie, writes her blog, loves her animals, and has a pet steer she can ride.

This woman was young when she made her trip--still is, but we aren’t old at fifty, sixty, or seventy.

So, consider the possibilities. It makes me want to rent a camper and take myself and my blog on the road. I always wanted to be like Charles Kuralt, who wrote beautifully about little-known facts of history and traveled the back roads of America, where he found that people were more alike than apart. For twenty years, he wrote and traveled the roads and began a TV  program called Sunday Morning with Charles Kuralt. “For a time after he retired, the Sunday Morning TV show stayed true to Kuralt’s vision of sticking with gentler subjects.

What have you wanted to do?

Here, we are talking about the holistic approach to living and saying that Mind, Body, and Spirit are connected. I have discovered and/or learned that when one of those three aspects is out of whack, the body responds. Physical ailments occur, as do depression, addictions, and anger. It’s like the carnival game of hitting prairie dogs as they pop out of a hole, only to miss them and have them pop up someplace else.

So, how do we address these three aspects of our lives?

Well, that’s what we are attempting to do. And I hope you will pop in with your input.

I wanted this blog to spark some creative juices.  And as we heal ourselves, we heal our sisters.